Updated: Mar 17
Our relationship to food is 500000% related to our intimate relationships (or LACK OF).
Before we dive in just promise you’ll stay with me cause we’re about to go on a deep dive here but I promise we’re gonna get into the good stuff.
Let’s start with the fact that at the core of your issues with food is… (here we go again)... your emotions.
The REASON we are going in the same cycles of controlling, bingeing, guilt and starting over is because somewhere deep down inside of us… something is pulling on us emotionally.
The PROBLEM we’re not understanding is that our eating habits are trying to send us a message.
When we emotionally eat our face off, it’s the equivalent of a tiny little voice deep within us trying to scream at us, “HEY, something is UP!! I’m not OK in here! Something is bothering me!”
HOWEVER, for many of us (I’m saying this because I KNOW because I’ve been there) we don’t really want to hear what that voice has to say.
AKA WE DON’T WANT TO STOP AND FEEL WHAT WE’RE FEELING, WE JUST WANT TO EAT THE DAMN BROWNIE OKKKK.
Therefore, in order to avoid feeling the discomfort of the moment (a coworker just said something hurtful to you, you feel lonely cause your boyfriend ditched you, you’re bored out of your mind sitting at home all day) instead of feeling THAT, we go for the thing that’s going to temporarily distract us from our feels.
(Believe me, this is all leading to how this is keeping you from your dream relationship).
So - we’re lonely, we feel sad, we go home and we go straight for the quick fix.
Wine, TV, FOOD (meanwhile this is happening without you even realizing it until 12 brownies later).
Then comes the best part: shame and feeling GROSS!! Well, we don’t want to feel THAT either do we? So what do we do, the next morning comes and we vow to be healthy all over again.
But that feeling of shame, that feeling of grossness, heaviness, ickiness… it doesn’t just disappear. It goes deep into our body and gets stored as an emotional memory.
And it’s like we’re carrying it around all the time in the form of insecurity, self-doubt and just not feeling great about ourselves.
So how does this relate to your relationship (or lack of relationship?)
Welllll let me tell you how.
Tell me if this is you:
You want to be seen.
You want to be heard.
You want to be witnessed.
You want to be so deeply seen by another person who loves every part of you.
You want to real intimacy.
After all being seen is intimacy.
You crave that type of connection. (PLZ, we all do let’s be real rn).
Let’s just pretend this is you for a sec okay? Remember how you got home from work and felt lonely so you ate 12 brownies? And then after the brownies you felt gross so you watched Netflix, went to sleep and vowed to make up for it tomorrow?
When you have eating habits like this, it’s like carrying around a shameful secret ALL THE TIME. We don’t want ANYONE to see us in that light, right? Like, it’s so gross!! In my life I spent so long feeling sooo ashamed of my eating habits and it was TERRIBLE.
The key to intimacy is being seen.
But there’s a part of us that does NOT want to be seen (AT ALL) because we believe it’s so ugly, gross and shameful.
This could be our actual body OR the eating habits that we’re ashamed of.
Whatever it is, when we’re eating like this we DON’T wanna be seen.
So we send mixed signals to the universe: I’m ready for my dream partner, I want to be loved unconditionally, I want to be seen and heard…
(but like, NOT this one part over here let’s HIDE that...)
Hmm, IT DON’T WORK THAT WAY.
By not paying attention to your own emotions, and not paying attention to that tiny voice that’s trying to tell you something by stuffing cookies in your face, you are REJECTING the opportunity to SEE YOURSELF. And by NOT paying attention TO YOURSELF you are putting the energy out there that YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE WHOLLY & COMPLETELY SEEN BY SOMEONE ELSE.
Whew. Ok this is a lot.
Let’s pause and let me just say - this is OKAY!!!!!!
Writing this right now, I just want to hug you because I KNOW what this is like and I’m SO proud of you for even reading this… cause we’re doing a real deep dive right now and it’s not easy to consider some of these things and if you’re even following my confusing train of thought right now I commend you!
By NOT paying attention to our emotions (the source of emotional eating) we are technically not *witnessing ourselves* and I’d even venture to say, we don’t want to be seen.
Which is why you telling the universe “I want to be seen” isn’t working.
This causes us to unconsciously hide from or push our partners away by blaming them for not loving us enough, not caring about us, fear they’re going to leave us, getting mad over silly things, getting defensive for no reason, etc. (cause like, you don’t want to be seen all the way so you’re sorta fulfilling that by creating these scenarios where you push people away).
And then you’re like, “SEEEE, they DON’T actually care, so I MUST not be good enough… I WAS RIGHT.”
OR you may be energetically blocked from attracting a partner on your level, instead attracting ones that either reject you or that you don’t like in order to stay DISTANT ENOUGH (cause remember, this is what you actually want (to not be seen) even though it’s not what you think you want)).
Either way, the same result is achieved. You are not seen. You are not heard. You are not in that cosmic relationship you want to be in or your relationship is not cosmic to the level you want it to be.
Okay, this was deep. Final notes:
DON’T PANIC. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT YOU CAN AND WILL BREAK OUT OF THIS DYNAMIC. If I can do it, you can do it.
The other great news is that the SOLUTION IS REALLY SIMPLE.
It begins with feeling. For as little as 15 seconds at a time, feeling your feelings. If you can wait 5-15 seconds before eating the brownies to just inquire into what that little voice might be telling you, YOU ARE WINNING.
Literally you can still eat the brownies in fact I ENCOURAGE you to. Just try and feel how you are feeling for 5 seconds first! Sit down in a safe, comfortable place, and just inhale and exhale and ask yourself, “how am I feeling right now?”
Lemme know what happens!
I believe in you!