I looked up from the bowl of ice cream and my jaw dropped.
When we sat down to eat dessert, I noticed for the first time in years that I was having extreme anxiety about the ice cream we were eating.
“Oh my gosh this is TERRIBLE YOU CAN’T EAT THIS, you’re going to get cavities and die!!!!”
“What are you doing?? Have you lost your mind? You’ve been eating wayyyy to much ice cream lately. What’s wrong with you??”
“You’ve GOT to get it together and stop eating like this or you’re going to get very sick. This is unacceptable.”
🚨 “RED ALERT!!!!!!!” 🚨 my brain was saying, over and over and over.
I hadn’t felt that way in sooo long.
That’s when I realized.
Deep inside, I was FREAKING THE F OUT about this other thing going on in my life. I felt like there was no way out of a situation I was dealing with and that expressing how I truly felt was not an option, cause that would be selfish or make me a “bad person.”
So I‘d swallowed my feelings and muzzled myself. Doing so left me feeling trapped in an uncomfortable situation without a sense of control. It was eating me from the inside.
So when we sat down to eat, I started to micromanage the only thing I felt control over: food.
Have you ever felt like this??? I hope not, but if you have, you’re not alone or crazy.
You know what IS crazy?
I’m not actually trapped. And neither are you. There is a door. You are allowed to walk out the door if staying in a room causes you to compromise who you are, your values, your needs, or if you don’t even know why but it just feels wrong and bad in there.
You’re allowed to just get up and leave. You’ve just been made to BELIEVE that you have to stay. That to leave is betrayal. When really, to NOT leave is only a betrayal of yourself.
I hope if you find yourself in this situation, you give yourself permission to walk out the door.🚪